kahluagal | (no subject)

It is apparent that this guy... is simple.

He's a sweet one, a hot one, great music taste, but so many red flags I feel like I'm landed in the circus. If I've only known him a few weeks at least that's progress, recognizing it, these signs that this will all go in flames.

Hospitalized with madness? Had a drinking and pot problem which required rehab but now is sober?

I've dated THREE alcoholics. No more.

One absolutely amazing 4 hour session of sexting means nothing - doesn't matter that the flirty is fun. Fine, I had my fun. I see now that this is not what I need. I can see that he is probably good with women, probably plays cute and knows how to manipulate them 'even if he doesn't mean to'. I see too much of Andy in him as well. That's not a good sign. I need help, and badly, to escape the manchildren.

He is an INTP - which essentially means a kind of robot, who won't even be able to see where he's hurt me. At best I could be in some FWB situation with someone i see maybe a few times a year from central Pennsylvia (UGH), have lots of hot Zoom calls, and he's always going to have something else, someone else. He's watching some gamer streaming right now. We seem to struggle to have conversations at times because well, he can't seem to focus to message me back because... he's 30 and has NO attention. Or maybe is just rude.

I am the intriguing hot older woman that fulfills some fantasies for him.

I'm sorry, after a week of texting, he doesn't want to see my face or do a video chat of some sort? How fucked up is that? That isn't right, after what we've shared.

He's comfortable in his ways, the ambitions I thought were there are me projecting. There's a lot of 'oh I would love to live overseas' but also a lot of 'well I took time off and got fired from that job...'. Just not what I need. I need the strength and resolve to back away, to smile and nod, and ghost or rather fade away.

Since most of the people in my life had done just that, it should be easy to do. My tormentors have taught me well.

If I get lonely and desirous, find someone age appropriate and rich, or go on a run. There should really be a button to just hide people from Facebook. What's funny is if i unfriended him from IG, FB and OKC I doubt he'd even care.

What I need is a stable, ambitious rich person who will take care of me and treat me as a goddess - and knows enough not to get distracted by some streaming show. I obsess over that lead singer, but am under no illusions. At the same time, he has fucking ambition and is killing it.

this one won't, and never will.

It hurts to be so close to happiness and know I'll never gain it with you.

bye bye my love...my dear sweet Max. I'm going to escape this before we even begin, so my heart doesn't burn into flames when you break it.