(no subject)

Me: yeah, i treated myself to Glass Animals tickets

Him: I'm glad you've found a band you like

doesn't ask about tickets even though we've said stuff like 'we should go out west' and I said the words TICKETS


***

him: hope your eve is pleasant. I cooked dinner for a lover tonight

me, thinking to myself, yeah I had nobody cooking for me.  Why the fuck are you telling me about your lovers? What am I supposed to say, 'yay?'

Oh, and I notice, you message me after they've left, and before you go to bed at night, which either means you're horny and are just using me or maybe you feel something more.

tired of your bullshit.


***

I don't know what his game is, and I just don't know.  Maybe at 30, dating multiple people, I'm just the same fool as I ever was.  I will find someone else.  I can't go through bullshit and heartache and cluelessness and 'oh I didn't mean to hurt you'.

None of these people are worth it.  I'm all but certain I'm just going to go home to Canada after the election if it goes poorly.  I'll tell him and he'll probably whimper, but that's what broken boys do.  I mean, he's apparently been multitasking posting on Facebook during a lot our chats - the asshole, do you think I can't see your timestamps, so it's obvious I'm a sexting buddy and nothing more.

It will be easy to ghost, because I didn't exist to him in the first place.

The most important thing I have is my freedom, and I ain't giving it up for ANYONE.

What I need to do is when I long for him, say 'a simple prop, to occupy my time'.  over and over again.