(no subject)
Nov. 30th, 2019 10:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kahluagalMy lease expires in April.
If I wanted to break it by finding another renter, that could work, and still have a financial penalty. If I lost my security deposit of $1600 that would somehow be bearable.
But OF COURSE asshole, 'artiste' that he was,spraypainted the hallways when he was working on one of his Artistic Statement paintings.
I begged him for MONTHS, please remove the spray paint from hallways, so we can get our security deposit.
Ignored me, like so much of what i said.
What is the use of someone being sweet, kind, a great cook, a wonderful partner, if they just ignore you?
So now, I'm stuck in this shithole. And what, if I somehow make it to April? Not renew, so go find 'something', and at least don't get the security deposit back.
Do I get a credit rating lowered because of that?
What I need is someone to help me with executive functioning, to make some calls for me, help me get rid of this apartment, and there is NO ONE.
This is how women just give up - older women, ending up alone, paying for a lifetime of men that abuse their kindness.
Do I get someone to share the apartment with me, illegally? Risk eviction?
I have savings so right now if I didn't have so much stuff I would just get rid of everything and move back to Canada and quit my job. I'm exhausted and the verge of a breakdown in a way I haven't been in years. Even looking for a doctor sends me into a tailspin.
The prospect of living in my sister's basement, like the loser I am, no doubt.
Even if I were to find someone to come clean the floors - say for $500, so I get my security deposit back, I can't do that for at least 2 weeks because of this shitty job, where I'm in workshops all day and can't time off. Of course wasn't smart enough to try and arrange it on weekend or day off because my fucking executive function is devoted to crying. I can barely survive now. I am utterly alone in a city I hate. There is one couple I can call on, one of his best friends.
Nobody else.
I don't think I'm going to be able to pull myself out of this. I was resilient before, but I wasn't dealing with the death of my partner. Now I am completely and utterly shattered.
I can ask for an unpaid leave of absence for a few months - although I'm sure that will be held against me. Have to hand back computer and arrange health insurance. I feel so overwhelmed by all my options and need someone to help me figure it out. I miss my mum. Even my sister at her most vexing would at least try. I'm so broken today nothing make sense and I am really, really more out of it than I have in years.
If I wanted to break it by finding another renter, that could work, and still have a financial penalty. If I lost my security deposit of $1600 that would somehow be bearable.
But OF COURSE asshole, 'artiste' that he was,spraypainted the hallways when he was working on one of his Artistic Statement paintings.
I begged him for MONTHS, please remove the spray paint from hallways, so we can get our security deposit.
Ignored me, like so much of what i said.
What is the use of someone being sweet, kind, a great cook, a wonderful partner, if they just ignore you?
So now, I'm stuck in this shithole. And what, if I somehow make it to April? Not renew, so go find 'something', and at least don't get the security deposit back.
Do I get a credit rating lowered because of that?
What I need is someone to help me with executive functioning, to make some calls for me, help me get rid of this apartment, and there is NO ONE.
This is how women just give up - older women, ending up alone, paying for a lifetime of men that abuse their kindness.
Do I get someone to share the apartment with me, illegally? Risk eviction?
I have savings so right now if I didn't have so much stuff I would just get rid of everything and move back to Canada and quit my job. I'm exhausted and the verge of a breakdown in a way I haven't been in years. Even looking for a doctor sends me into a tailspin.
The prospect of living in my sister's basement, like the loser I am, no doubt.
Even if I were to find someone to come clean the floors - say for $500, so I get my security deposit back, I can't do that for at least 2 weeks because of this shitty job, where I'm in workshops all day and can't time off. Of course wasn't smart enough to try and arrange it on weekend or day off because my fucking executive function is devoted to crying. I can barely survive now. I am utterly alone in a city I hate. There is one couple I can call on, one of his best friends.
Nobody else.
I don't think I'm going to be able to pull myself out of this. I was resilient before, but I wasn't dealing with the death of my partner. Now I am completely and utterly shattered.
I can ask for an unpaid leave of absence for a few months - although I'm sure that will be held against me. Have to hand back computer and arrange health insurance. I feel so overwhelmed by all my options and need someone to help me figure it out. I miss my mum. Even my sister at her most vexing would at least try. I'm so broken today nothing make sense and I am really, really more out of it than I have in years.
