(no subject)
Jun. 21st, 2020 02:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kahluagalI dream of moving to England. There's no way in hell I want to stay in New York. People are genuinely shitty to one another. I found people in SF a little too much whoo, but I tell ya, if I find a company that will pay for me to go out there I will. I have an interview at Facebook - it's a long shot because they want a perfect design (read: worked on perfect projects, where they've gotten support from start to finish, and mind have mostly been shite projects). but at this point moving to anywhere but here is the goal. And see this all as temporary anyway - evaluate my goals. There's a few people in Britain I have massive crushes on that likely would go nowhere but I am not made to live here. That much is for certain. I'm just going to keep encountering the same damaged fucked up people to date, and these same horrible people at work.
The challenge with the UK is it's a massive move - the salaries are much lower for the equivalent role, nearly 50% lower than what I'm making here. I have to go into this with a reasonable sane plan - no more 'moving for a relationship'. Right now the three things giving me hope include knowing this apartment is temporary (I'm on a year lease but fuck it - let's break it), knowing I'll be leaving New York (which was never a good fit) and that my next relationship will be someone who will be loads better because he won't be any of the fuckheads I've dated up til now. My eyes are wide fucking open now - they have to woo me, be sane, be rich and be someone who knows what they want and are ferocious in getting it.
I am looking into Wicca and manifestation. I also know not to devalue myself - I'm only interested in high value partners from now on. I've spent much of my life circling the drain of poverty - I've never rented an apartment less than $1300, even when shared. I'm done with being poor. I'm going to manifest someone to take care of me for a change. I don't have a lot of will power when it comes to sticking with programs, but I will find some sort of manifestation guide and start not only chanting and doing what I can to divine the better life for myself, but the steps I need to do to do it - creating an AR filter, proactively reaching out to people. And going into things not expecting the best - if FB turns me down, who gives a shit? I'll find some place better. My attitude isn't going to be sunny, but it's a subtle shift towards, 'they're lucky to have me'. This is the oldest I've felt and my body and mind are deteriorating. I literally don't have any time to lose. These fuckers have wasted my time.
I need to look into tattoos; as much as I like the novelty of not having any, I also need one on my wrist that says 'tempus fugit and hurry the fuck up' (or its visual equivalent). All I have is a power of 'Money, Power, Glory; but I need to wear something that reminds me to be relentless, strong, determined, focused and uncompromising.
I have a postcard that says 'be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire'. I need to start living that.
The challenge with the UK is it's a massive move - the salaries are much lower for the equivalent role, nearly 50% lower than what I'm making here. I have to go into this with a reasonable sane plan - no more 'moving for a relationship'. Right now the three things giving me hope include knowing this apartment is temporary (I'm on a year lease but fuck it - let's break it), knowing I'll be leaving New York (which was never a good fit) and that my next relationship will be someone who will be loads better because he won't be any of the fuckheads I've dated up til now. My eyes are wide fucking open now - they have to woo me, be sane, be rich and be someone who knows what they want and are ferocious in getting it.
I am looking into Wicca and manifestation. I also know not to devalue myself - I'm only interested in high value partners from now on. I've spent much of my life circling the drain of poverty - I've never rented an apartment less than $1300, even when shared. I'm done with being poor. I'm going to manifest someone to take care of me for a change. I don't have a lot of will power when it comes to sticking with programs, but I will find some sort of manifestation guide and start not only chanting and doing what I can to divine the better life for myself, but the steps I need to do to do it - creating an AR filter, proactively reaching out to people. And going into things not expecting the best - if FB turns me down, who gives a shit? I'll find some place better. My attitude isn't going to be sunny, but it's a subtle shift towards, 'they're lucky to have me'. This is the oldest I've felt and my body and mind are deteriorating. I literally don't have any time to lose. These fuckers have wasted my time.
I need to look into tattoos; as much as I like the novelty of not having any, I also need one on my wrist that says 'tempus fugit and hurry the fuck up' (or its visual equivalent). All I have is a power of 'Money, Power, Glory; but I need to wear something that reminds me to be relentless, strong, determined, focused and uncompromising.
I have a postcard that says 'be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire'. I need to start living that.
