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Aug. 15th, 2020 11:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kahluagalIt should say something that I feel sexier than I have in years - maybe decades, maybe ever - with a guy who I never met than I have with the last three partners. Which dysfunctional one do we want, the guy who stopped sleeping with me, and I find out 2 months before he died he was messaging other women on dating apps?
How about the emotionally abusive asshole who made fun of me for wanting to use a toy (although he had a massive chest of them) and when I had some stress in the bedroom, called me frigid.
Or the guy addicted to porn who ended up physically assaulting me.
Or the husband who couldn't even try to connect sexually because I wasn't a book or a paper, so why engage?
I again have no illusions of this guy. But he's sensitive, a Scorpio, says that I'm stunning and turn him on, and seems damn near obsessed with worshiping me with him as a sub, pleasing me, doing what he can to put me front and center, who has indicated even when he's not into something he's willing to try it, basically if it turns his partner on. That's all he cares about. I again know there are flags that I have to watch out for, but connecting with him feels beautiful.
And every time we talk of travel, we joke but I miss being homesick about my hometown - him saying 'oh we should go - Canada adventure'. Or I tell him about the beauty of the desert he tells me the Grand Canyon is beautiful and WE SHOULD GO, all caps, excited. And that within a few weeks of chatting he mentioned 'having the pandemic sucks, it would be so cool to meet you'.
And then we we talk about we want to do with one another, he keeps on saying 'I can't wait'. The things he writes make me smolder. I know it's idle chat but I feel incredibly fascinated, and fascinating, and sexy.
I tell him I feel like I'm an asteroid burning up in the atmosphere in a most delightful smoldering way and he tells me 'I love that I can make you feel that way'. And that he wants to make me writhe in ecstasy.
And then I have to remind myself to breathe again.
How about the emotionally abusive asshole who made fun of me for wanting to use a toy (although he had a massive chest of them) and when I had some stress in the bedroom, called me frigid.
Or the guy addicted to porn who ended up physically assaulting me.
Or the husband who couldn't even try to connect sexually because I wasn't a book or a paper, so why engage?
I again have no illusions of this guy. But he's sensitive, a Scorpio, says that I'm stunning and turn him on, and seems damn near obsessed with worshiping me with him as a sub, pleasing me, doing what he can to put me front and center, who has indicated even when he's not into something he's willing to try it, basically if it turns his partner on. That's all he cares about. I again know there are flags that I have to watch out for, but connecting with him feels beautiful.
And every time we talk of travel, we joke but I miss being homesick about my hometown - him saying 'oh we should go - Canada adventure'. Or I tell him about the beauty of the desert he tells me the Grand Canyon is beautiful and WE SHOULD GO, all caps, excited. And that within a few weeks of chatting he mentioned 'having the pandemic sucks, it would be so cool to meet you'.
And then we we talk about we want to do with one another, he keeps on saying 'I can't wait'. The things he writes make me smolder. I know it's idle chat but I feel incredibly fascinated, and fascinating, and sexy.
I tell him I feel like I'm an asteroid burning up in the atmosphere in a most delightful smoldering way and he tells me 'I love that I can make you feel that way'. And that he wants to make me writhe in ecstasy.
And then I have to remind myself to breathe again.
