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Aug. 16th, 2020 03:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kahluagalMe: asks for help about tech and healthcare apps
"Friend": there are plenty of apps - and he adds a shrug emoji.
My dude, and you wonder why your wife divorced you. Maybe considering what we've talked about - that I told him Iikely have autism, that things like shopping are incredibly overwhelming to me - and he gives me a fucking shrug emoji, when there are SO many apps and he knows this is what overwhelms me.
I think he's like most of my partners - they get annoyed especially, ESPECIALLY when I'm vulnerable, or uncertain, or confused. They expect me to suck it up.
I have to remind myself a) don't waste time on FB, b) the people I've thought as friends aren't, and c) I keep this person in my life for logistics - I put him down as a name for my student loan. He's made it now we're not friends, obviously.
He is not worth engaging. He's shown me compassion before, but out of the 15 years I've known him it's been a steady slide towards bitchiness and negativity, and I know he doesn't get that. At one point maybe 7 years ago after his snipping at me I said, look, if you don't want to know me or engage, that's fine - unsubscribe but I don't want it. I can't deal with it.
What is it with people that when I'm assertive, they hate me? When I'm vulnerable, they hate me?
Meanwhile the boi isn't messaging me. He's a fairweather person - when the mood strikes, but he's a lot like the aforementioned friend, Dan. They are very 't' in the Myers Briggs, and when I have a bad moment I doubt they'd be there to help. if I had a partner we'd figure it out, or he'd deal with the landlord.
I am basically entirely alone in New York.
I broke something with the faucet - I took the nozzle off it see if i could attach a portable washing machine, and the inner pipe just disappeared deep within it. So now I have to see if I can find a plumber, likely pay $100 dollars for what's going to be 10 minutes work of work. I can't imaging asking the landlord, who creeps me out. It's just another symbol of as soon as I think I have things figured out, to not get cocky, because I end up breaking things again. I don't even know how to phrase it if i did call the landlord - "i was taking off the nozzle to clean it and the inner tube disappeared'. I don't think there's a handy man. I just feel like such a loser for everything that goes wrong.
I feel so broken and useless, and wondering if the more I try to adult the more I fail at it. I don't know how I'm going to cope much longer on my own. I'm scared I'm going to lose my job and just end up in my sister's basement, the loser I feel like right now.
Meanwhile they're raising the amount of my student loan repayment - because my job pays well it's over $1K now (it was 800 before). I feel broken and vulnerable and I hate this apartment. I just feel so fucking lost about everything.
"Friend": there are plenty of apps - and he adds a shrug emoji.
My dude, and you wonder why your wife divorced you. Maybe considering what we've talked about - that I told him Iikely have autism, that things like shopping are incredibly overwhelming to me - and he gives me a fucking shrug emoji, when there are SO many apps and he knows this is what overwhelms me.
I think he's like most of my partners - they get annoyed especially, ESPECIALLY when I'm vulnerable, or uncertain, or confused. They expect me to suck it up.
I have to remind myself a) don't waste time on FB, b) the people I've thought as friends aren't, and c) I keep this person in my life for logistics - I put him down as a name for my student loan. He's made it now we're not friends, obviously.
He is not worth engaging. He's shown me compassion before, but out of the 15 years I've known him it's been a steady slide towards bitchiness and negativity, and I know he doesn't get that. At one point maybe 7 years ago after his snipping at me I said, look, if you don't want to know me or engage, that's fine - unsubscribe but I don't want it. I can't deal with it.
What is it with people that when I'm assertive, they hate me? When I'm vulnerable, they hate me?
Meanwhile the boi isn't messaging me. He's a fairweather person - when the mood strikes, but he's a lot like the aforementioned friend, Dan. They are very 't' in the Myers Briggs, and when I have a bad moment I doubt they'd be there to help. if I had a partner we'd figure it out, or he'd deal with the landlord.
I am basically entirely alone in New York.
I broke something with the faucet - I took the nozzle off it see if i could attach a portable washing machine, and the inner pipe just disappeared deep within it. So now I have to see if I can find a plumber, likely pay $100 dollars for what's going to be 10 minutes work of work. I can't imaging asking the landlord, who creeps me out. It's just another symbol of as soon as I think I have things figured out, to not get cocky, because I end up breaking things again. I don't even know how to phrase it if i did call the landlord - "i was taking off the nozzle to clean it and the inner tube disappeared'. I don't think there's a handy man. I just feel like such a loser for everything that goes wrong.
I feel so broken and useless, and wondering if the more I try to adult the more I fail at it. I don't know how I'm going to cope much longer on my own. I'm scared I'm going to lose my job and just end up in my sister's basement, the loser I feel like right now.
Meanwhile they're raising the amount of my student loan repayment - because my job pays well it's over $1K now (it was 800 before). I feel broken and vulnerable and I hate this apartment. I just feel so fucking lost about everything.
