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Dec. 10th, 2020 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kahluagalI love the power I have knowing I have decided to walk away from these people. Since most of America is just a series of ghosting exercises - both individuals and organizations - I'm just going to do that. Slowly. Not engage, texting less, having a light go out. Pretending to be 'sad' when we talk and slowly walk away. Let the oxygen out of the balloon before it takes flight.
Max is so clueless he doesn't realize that's already what's happened. Will text me once a week, we'll maybe text for 10 minutes and then another week goes by, and he's so brain damaged he probably can't tell a) I don't text him, b) i don't engage with him and never message him, c) walked away from the romantic 'you're cutes' and barely compliment him. His response is to constantly 'hey pretty lady'. He'll message me and I'll wait an hour before opening it. I can see he's messaged, but I don't engage. I don't ask about his life. He has no idea I've written him off. It's fantastic. I feel more power than I have ever, really.
I will focus on my 'hobbies' ('gotta improve my portfolio...ugh, coding! gotta do it' - or 'looking at an apartment, chat later!) - which I will do. And then find people I do want to spend time with and focus on that and spend time with them and not break down. I just need to find ways to keep my reserves up, and not slip and I wish I could find ways.
I had a sense with Aaron, of course, that he wasn't worth it. I stopped messaging him.. He picked up on it - 'why do you never initiate a message with me'? But I doubt he has enough awareness or care to notice again. Or maybe I'll have walls but just let it all die out. Or maybe he's a bachelor and he can stay that way or not or zzzzzzzz BORRRRRINGGGGG.
Don't need them. I have the power and freedom to say no to both - heck all of them.
All I need is a kick ass group of feminist female friends. I don't need men anymore. I don't hate them but I don't need them.
Max is so clueless he doesn't realize that's already what's happened. Will text me once a week, we'll maybe text for 10 minutes and then another week goes by, and he's so brain damaged he probably can't tell a) I don't text him, b) i don't engage with him and never message him, c) walked away from the romantic 'you're cutes' and barely compliment him. His response is to constantly 'hey pretty lady'. He'll message me and I'll wait an hour before opening it. I can see he's messaged, but I don't engage. I don't ask about his life. He has no idea I've written him off. It's fantastic. I feel more power than I have ever, really.
I will focus on my 'hobbies' ('gotta improve my portfolio...ugh, coding! gotta do it' - or 'looking at an apartment, chat later!) - which I will do. And then find people I do want to spend time with and focus on that and spend time with them and not break down. I just need to find ways to keep my reserves up, and not slip and I wish I could find ways.
I had a sense with Aaron, of course, that he wasn't worth it. I stopped messaging him.. He picked up on it - 'why do you never initiate a message with me'? But I doubt he has enough awareness or care to notice again. Or maybe I'll have walls but just let it all die out. Or maybe he's a bachelor and he can stay that way or not or zzzzzzzz BORRRRRINGGGGG.
Don't need them. I have the power and freedom to say no to both - heck all of them.
All I need is a kick ass group of feminist female friends. I don't need men anymore. I don't hate them but I don't need them.
