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Mar. 31st, 2021 08:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kahluagalI almost don't care about anything. I'll look for the vaccine but feel so fatalistic about every aspect of my life. I'm tired and just want to sleep.
I talked to Aaron about moving in together at some point and he told me 'we're not there yet'. I have no idea what I expected, but not that.
'We're not there yet'.
HAHAH
He will be a bachelor forever and what I need to do is concentrate on new apartment, new job and new girlfriend and not waste energy, words, time, on anything to do with him.
When I get up and sleep on the couch he tells me he feels so disoriented because I'm not in the bed.
So missing me but can't rephrase it to say 'it's a little early but I think about that' or something. Just the gruff 'we're not there yet'.
We text and speak on the phone but I've got it so I just see him on weekends because 'my work schedule'. So I lie to him already. I need to find a therapist to remind myself that I don't want a relationship. And when we break up and he says he'll change I'll tell him I'm not going to be there yet.
I've already rehearsed what to say, and occasionally rehearse it.
I don't think we should see each other any more. I think you're a good person, just not a good person for me. And drop it and not debate it or extend it. And when I walk out the door and he says please can we just... I will say 'This is the end. Please don't contact me to get back together'.
I want a low-drama girlfriend who will take care of me and I her, and we will travel and care about each other. I have none of that, and I'm settling for scraps.
I talked to Aaron about moving in together at some point and he told me 'we're not there yet'. I have no idea what I expected, but not that.
'We're not there yet'.
HAHAH
He will be a bachelor forever and what I need to do is concentrate on new apartment, new job and new girlfriend and not waste energy, words, time, on anything to do with him.
When I get up and sleep on the couch he tells me he feels so disoriented because I'm not in the bed.
So missing me but can't rephrase it to say 'it's a little early but I think about that' or something. Just the gruff 'we're not there yet'.
We text and speak on the phone but I've got it so I just see him on weekends because 'my work schedule'. So I lie to him already. I need to find a therapist to remind myself that I don't want a relationship. And when we break up and he says he'll change I'll tell him I'm not going to be there yet.
I've already rehearsed what to say, and occasionally rehearse it.
I don't think we should see each other any more. I think you're a good person, just not a good person for me. And drop it and not debate it or extend it. And when I walk out the door and he says please can we just... I will say 'This is the end. Please don't contact me to get back together'.
I want a low-drama girlfriend who will take care of me and I her, and we will travel and care about each other. I have none of that, and I'm settling for scraps.
