![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jul. 5th, 2020 03:18 pmThe only thing I want is to be rich and to be famous. The question is where I live to do it.
This country elected Nixon twice so I have no doubt Trump will get in again. This is a country steeped in a culture that celebrates fireworks for weeks on end at 3 am in the morning. I was a fool to come here, and I'm a fool to stay.
I'm a permanent resident here, but if I leave for longer than 6 months I lose it. I can start the citizenship process and have put it off because there was always something else going on - job hunting, trying to prevent homelessness, all the damaged fucked up men in my life.
Con artists. Andy is lucky he's dead. I wasted SIX YEARS with him. I feel used, betrayed and filled with rage at that asshole. He was an asshole who drank himself to death. He leaves behind a daughter. I hope she has her mother's genes; her father was fucked up. I can see now what he was - a loser. The biggest unemployable 'artist' loser. I should have dropped him after the third date.
I guess I can try to study up for the test, get the paperwork going. I would only do this on the hopes some day of what... landing a rich partner in the U.S.? I've been here 15+ years for what - a waste. The relationship I was with, my ex husband was a waste. All my relationships have been wastes. A serious of damaged fools.
I want want to move where people are different to one another. There is a musician there I absolutely crave - well a few, actually - and I have to figure out how to get to a point where I can be in their circles.
I am old, and feeling it, and looking it. Thinking it too - my cognitive decline continued. The autism is so bad I can barely make it through a day. I have a list of things in my life plan one by one I'm trying to get through but I'm doing it alone.
I have nothing here to keep me.
I have no retirement - some savings but the next spat of unemployment might kill me. Going through unemployment for 6 months a year id destroying me. These toxic relationships are destroying me. This brain is destroying me. I have no idea how therapy is supposed to help me - I'm too far gone.
I have to find how to make a name for myself. All I want is fame and money. I treated myself to a poster that says MONEY POWER GLORY. Fuck me, fuck anything else. My goal is to get enough willpower to destroy everything who has ruined my life, and prosper.
All I want is money power glory. That has to be my new mantra - money power and glory. I'm looking into witchcraft and manifestation. I will do anything to get what I want. I will do anything to destroy. All I want is money power and glory, forever and ever.
Anyone who says fame and money doesn't give you happiness has not depended on a food bank for food, that's for sure. I have. I won't forget it. I want wealth now. I will have it and I will destroy anything that stands in my way for it.
This country elected Nixon twice so I have no doubt Trump will get in again. This is a country steeped in a culture that celebrates fireworks for weeks on end at 3 am in the morning. I was a fool to come here, and I'm a fool to stay.
I'm a permanent resident here, but if I leave for longer than 6 months I lose it. I can start the citizenship process and have put it off because there was always something else going on - job hunting, trying to prevent homelessness, all the damaged fucked up men in my life.
Con artists. Andy is lucky he's dead. I wasted SIX YEARS with him. I feel used, betrayed and filled with rage at that asshole. He was an asshole who drank himself to death. He leaves behind a daughter. I hope she has her mother's genes; her father was fucked up. I can see now what he was - a loser. The biggest unemployable 'artist' loser. I should have dropped him after the third date.
I guess I can try to study up for the test, get the paperwork going. I would only do this on the hopes some day of what... landing a rich partner in the U.S.? I've been here 15+ years for what - a waste. The relationship I was with, my ex husband was a waste. All my relationships have been wastes. A serious of damaged fools.
I want want to move where people are different to one another. There is a musician there I absolutely crave - well a few, actually - and I have to figure out how to get to a point where I can be in their circles.
I am old, and feeling it, and looking it. Thinking it too - my cognitive decline continued. The autism is so bad I can barely make it through a day. I have a list of things in my life plan one by one I'm trying to get through but I'm doing it alone.
I have nothing here to keep me.
I have no retirement - some savings but the next spat of unemployment might kill me. Going through unemployment for 6 months a year id destroying me. These toxic relationships are destroying me. This brain is destroying me. I have no idea how therapy is supposed to help me - I'm too far gone.
I have to find how to make a name for myself. All I want is fame and money. I treated myself to a poster that says MONEY POWER GLORY. Fuck me, fuck anything else. My goal is to get enough willpower to destroy everything who has ruined my life, and prosper.
All I want is money power glory. That has to be my new mantra - money power and glory. I'm looking into witchcraft and manifestation. I will do anything to get what I want. I will do anything to destroy. All I want is money power and glory, forever and ever.
Anyone who says fame and money doesn't give you happiness has not depended on a food bank for food, that's for sure. I have. I won't forget it. I want wealth now. I will have it and I will destroy anything that stands in my way for it.
