Jul. 18th, 2020

kahluagal: (Default)
there is a boy.  He's far from perfect and there are flags - I mean, he's in two relationships, is 30 and lives in another state - but it's been fun to chat.  He has echoes of the geeky boys I like - my god, the power guyliner has on me.  I don't know what would come of it other than friendship, but I think that's ok. 

i seem to make him laugh.  He says that's the most important quality in a partner, and I tend to agree.  He has excellent taste in music; we've made mixed tapes for one another.  I keep adding to it and apologize and he says 'don't stop'.  We both use the words adorkable and kawaii fanatics.

He is extremely smart.  Interesting Mid-western normal D&D playing guy, but definite hints of greatness.  Something raw.  Something potential.  Theater geek, studied video.  His main girlfriend, needless to say, is stunning and hot and most definitely my type.  (Loves Fleabag,so great taste).

He wants to start a band.  I am uncertain about his talent - it's a little folky.  But the music he's into, gawd, the raw thing that he could become. He has the looks that would make girls swoon.  Intense.  Irish.  Dark Black Irish.  GAH. Lots going on under the hood.  Lots of darkness and pain of course.  It makes me want to hug him deeply and tell him it's all good, baby.

I saw him talk about music on Okcupid and I messaged how I hated finding a band has 20 albums.  We chatted and he said he really liked talking with me so we took it to Messenger and then friending on FB.

He sent me videos of him playing guitar.  No video yet... no voice either.  I heard it on the clip he sent and it's deep.

Fuck.

6 foot 1. 

Ok dresser - a little plain but occasionally with a cap and eyeliner and leather jacket there is something there.  Something arresting.

Something there.

The rare photo I've seen of him smiling made me gasp.

we spend 5 hours messaging back and forth - no video yet because I think he's shy, as I am.  It's been so nice to feel stirrings of connection.  I don't focus on it, but admit that when I see his message it excites me.

it's been almost a year since Andy died, and his ghost haunts me, but I won't let it forever.  There's an entire planet of people to love.

I like the idea of molding - and learning. 

playing around with edges of power and flattery, connection and exploration.  It's something different I wasn't expecting.  It's something I crave,

When we joke around it's just incredible.

I type fast - 'RACE YOU' and he responds back OKAY LET'S DO IT RACE TIME.

this is at it's core what life is about... the search to connect with someone on the same level and spread joy.

His name is Max.  I don't think I can forget him now.  If you saw him you'd see why too :)

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justanotherlostangel

July 2024

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