(no subject)

[kahluagal]

I managed to unlock Andy's phone and now I see all the dating apps he was using, exchanging messages with at least 4 women just months before he died.  It includes a lot of 'I live alone' and 'It's been a long time since I felt that way' to other women. I feel so betrayed and want to set fire to the world.

The only thing I want to do is find a partner who is rich so he'll take care of me.  Really, the only thing that matters.  In the meantime, looking for work, seeing about moving overseas and treating myself to the luxury - the perfumes, the skin care, all the things I was denied living with a loser who didn't work because he was an 'ARTISTE'.  it's obvious now he was using me because I provided a roof over his head and he just wanted some goth strumpet to fuck... I was just a mommy taking care of him.

He was never a partner.  I see that now.

I wasted six years on a manipulative con man.  All the good memories are destroyed now.  The only thing I want is fame, money and someone who will take care of me - and if I don't have that last one, the other two will keep me well satisfied. How will I sleep at night? On a bed made of money.

Comments

[serafaery]

Ugh, I feel for you soooooooo much. <3 <3 <3 I hear you. I wasted so much of my life on a manipulator con artists, too. Things can be better! You are talented and wise and strong and above all, a genuinely good, caring person. Money does matter, absolutely. It's amazing how much I tore myself apart for being depressed when I was broke, not realizing that a severe lack of money is a real situational stressor that causes depression - we're taught that we should just be happy regardless of money but that is a bunch of bs, poverty is incredibly draining and painful to live with. I'm so sorry he did that to you, it's no reflection on your worth, he was just a broken person.